What Drives Men Away...And What Attracts Them...

"I can't do anything without her double checking, and then checking again what I'm up too" These are the frustrated words from one of my best friends who has been in a relationship with this woman for about a year. He's never cheated on her, but she always has to have control over his actions. Just recently I called his phone and she changed his voice mail without him knowing and left her voice message announcing his name. Some may say what's wrong with that? If he were fine with it, hey more power to him. But she did it behind his back and he wasn't aware, he was livid. She opens his mail, gets jealous over him spending time with his kids from his first marriage, doesn't want him working out at a particular gym because the women there are too pretty, and gets upset if him and I stay on the phone too long talking football or politics. Definitely a case of insecurity, or obsessiveness.

Insecurity plagues many of us men and women alike, but today I will only touch on what Drives men crazy and what keeps them happy.

As a women have you ever felt insecure? Maybe you have, and you're not alone. Many of my female friends say the often feel insecure in a relationship and don't know what to do about it. They sometimes feel the worse when he hasn't called for a day or two, or decides to hang out with the boys instead of being with her. If he acts different around her, she thinks it's something she did. Instead of backing away and/or giving space, they feel if they love them more or if they were around more they could control the outcome. Most likely though the opposite happens, and the man is turned off. I've seen my best friends' woman go from clingy and overly loving, to insecure and obsessive. He's miserable!!

Women...there's no way faster for to drive your man away but by showing him that your clingy. It may last a little while, but I'm warning you if it continues, you'll have him running away faster than Usain Bolt. (*Jamaican who won 100 yard dash in the Olympics convincingly.*)

The case above with my friend is just a simple case of "NO TRUST". Without trust a relationship WILL NOT work and its just a matter of time before the inevitable happens. They will grow to resent each other because of all of the fussing. The the thin line between love and hate will be crossed and there is no going back. If she is this jealous and insecure now, after ONLY 1 year, how much worse will she be in 5 years. He has never cheated on her, so she has issues of her own that she need to be resolved. Sounds as if she has a lot of emotional baggage that she has brought into the relationship and it is serving as a poison.

But let say for argument sake that He HAD cheated on her then she would have had 2 choices....
1.) Forgive him and leave it in the past, or
2.) Let him go.
Otherwise there are 2 miserable people in a relationship for what? Physical attraction? Sex? Financial convenience? A person has to decide what matters most to them. I chose P-E-A-C-E. So if that means leaving the one you love so that you can have peace, so be it.

Every Man has different needs and as his women you need to learn what they are. I'm not saying the women don't have needs cause as men we have to address them as well. But we are focusing on the man right now. Most men want the companionship, as in friendship...but they can't feel as though they're smothered or can't have other male friends. Men need man time.... Be there for him without being intrusive and you'll never have anything to worry about. If you feel as though he's pulling away, don't push, just back up a little as well. It's not what you think most of the time, because a man's stresses about everyday life differs from a women's. Give him his space and sometimes the distance that is created can make the heart grow fonder.

We all Love who we Love, we just have to figure out if it's right for us.

Thanks again

Jayde Kennedy