Ending a Relationship Breaking Up is Hard To Do

Does your to-do list look something like this:

· Walk dog
· Water plants
· Break up with significant other

Okay, while ending a relationship is hardly at
the top of anybody’s calendar, the fact is
that when a relationship has gone sour,
someone has to make the move to end it.
The truth is that many relationships last long
beyond the “expire by” date just because
breaking up is hard to do.

Sometimes a break up happens in dramatic
fashion with clothes being thrown out of a
second story window.

Other times, the relationship just peters out
until someone says “it’s caput.”

How do you go about ending a relationship so
that neither party gets hurt?

You need to get clear on why you want to
terminate the romance. The immediate reason
that jumps into your mind may not be the real
reason. Once you get clear, the next step in
ending a relationship is to get honest. That
means that in your discussion with your
partner that you are true to yourself and to them.

Schedule a mutually convenient time for the breakup.
In general, it is better to do it in person rather
than over the phone, but if distance is an issue in
the relationship, you should do it sooner than wait
for a time you can get together.

Get into a state of compassion when ending the
relationship. If you want to stay friends after
the break up, you need to conclude the romantic
ties with love and compassion.

Don’t put your partner on the defensive.
Talk about the things you’ve learned and the
memories you will cherish that have come from your
love. Be present during the break up. Your partner
may become very emotional during this time.
You need to respond to their needs.

Don’t take anything personally when ending a
relationship. Your partner may say things they
don’t really mean. Let these words roll off of
your back.

Your partner may need to meet with you more than
once to conclude the relationship. Or, they may
need space. Give your ex what they need to get
through the transition time.

But don’t let them make you feel guilty.
You’re ready to begin a new phase in your life
and it will not include a romantic relationship
with your ex. It is best if you retain a
positive relationship of some sort with them,
but if you are ending the relationship for the
right reasons, it is best for both of you.

Should you ever consider reconnecting? Does ending
a relationship always mean “the end, close the book?”

That is something you have to decide. Virtually all
relationships can be saved if certain conditions are
met. If you have the time and are willing to make
the effort, you can get through this period as an
even stronger couple.

However, if you are determined to walk away, it’s
best to end a relationship with a clean break and
move on.